LBs

I've gained weight. There it's been said. I have always been "smaller", but lately I feel huge. The sad thing is that I know I'm not "huge", but I know I'm not where I used to be or really where I would feel most comfortable. I've gained 10 LBS since high school. To try and make myself feel better about it I think, well that's only 2.5 lbs a year...and then I realize 7 of those 10 where in the last year alone. Not so good. I know there are women who are going to read this and think 10 is nothing, but to a petite barely 5'2" woman, 10 is a lot. Because, I'm petite the weight goes straight to my middle. I now have a "food baby" as I like to call it, and my thighs "are the size of tree trucks". I feel like if I were taller that I would carry the weight better, that it wouldn't be so noticeable, but I'm short, so those extra 10 lbs are there for the whole world to see. I really feel like I need to start taking better care of my body. I have bad posture to, so that makes my tummy stick out even more. I know that if I don't take care of my body now, I'll regret it when I'm 30, 40, gulp 50. I'll regret it after I've had 2.5 kids (yikes!).

Another issue I have is that I look young. Again, I know there are lots of women who might read this and think, I wish I looked young for my age. But not me. I'm tired of people telling me I look like I'm still in high school, or who look shocked when the check my ID and realize that yes I am over 21. When I went to a new doctor, the nurse asked for my guardian, then she had to read my file to see that yes, I am 22. When I was in Minneapolis I was told that I looked 13. 13! I was really upset. I know that it's not these people's fault that I look so young. I know that I should see the silver lining and think that when I'm 30, 40, gulp 50, I'll look younger (hopefully). But still, I can't help but wish that I looked my age. Sometimes I worry that people think Jacob is a pedophile when they see us together. Part of the problem is that again, I don't really take care of myself. I have never been big on wearing tons of make up and doing my hair and nails everyday. I have gotten better as I've gotten older, but not where I want to be. It's really frustrating when I hear women who talk about how they wish they had their 20 year old bodies back. I feel like I'm taking my youth for granted! I want to be healthy, and strong, and feel proud of my body and age.

I've made some new resolves. I'm going to start dressing, and looking as much as is possible 22. I'm going to take care of my body. I'm going to start using my gym membership, and I'm going to make myself feel like a woman, and not a girl. I've already started. Last week I got a massage, mmm it was good. Saturday I bought some nice clothes, new jeans, and Bare Minerals. Yesterday I went to the gym, made a nice healthy dinner, got a mani/pedi, and saw the most beautiful full double rainbow I can ever remember seeing. I got out of class, saw that rainbow and felt new resolve. I felt like I could do anything that I put my mind too. I immediately went home, changed my clothes, and went to the gym. Next month I'm getting a hair cut and some coloring done, I can't wait! I know that I should be realistic about my goals, so I'm keeping the actual goals private. I've heard that if I share them, I am not as likely to accomplish them. That's probably why the "Mountain of Laundry" never seems to get smaller. I'll keep you posted on my progress and let you know how I'm going. I'm going to write about Bare Minerals and let you know how I feel about them. When I get home tonight I'll put up the picture of the Rainbow. I feel like WonderWoman. New school year, new me.